I am not going to let one ugly side of my life, ruine many other bright ones.
......i will survive, because i know how.


wish me luck!

Is love, alone, a good reason for you to get married?
Don’t you have to have more things in common between the couple?
How can love exist without these common interests?
......
Many other questions comes to my mind almost daily,
And sometimes i get answers like these:
- yes love is enough, alone, to build a life on it, because there are many people who share the same interest, but they don't manage to have this "chemistry" clicking between them, sometimes they have it from one side, but to have it from BOTH sides isn't always guaranteed!!
- love doesn't need to exist between two identical personalities, love makes two different people respect each other, see new things in each other, love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives.
......
But sometimes i get answers like these:
- love without common interests might fade, when the couple discover that they can't enjoy doing the same thing together, they might get separated slowly, and it might be a killer to the relation on the long run.
- love comes and goes, hearts changes all the time, sometime we base a life on "ONLY" love, and we might wake up one day to find this love has gone somewhere else, and for no good reason, can anyone control his heart?
.....
You tell me, which answer shall i believe? Which path shall i take?

here i am again..
its after midnight ...
in another sleepless night ...
what am i doing here?
???
i am trying to hide behind a mask ...
talking to machines that i feel they have hearts ...
trying to spell my guts ...
...
isn't it weird????
i don't find people to talk to ..
so i talk to my monitor..
to a bounch of letters and numbers..
ahhhhhh ...
where to go ??
am i too idealistic??
maybe ...
isn't there another idealistic girl out there who would understand me ?
instead of blaming me for being idealistic??
am i asking for too much?
why is it too much ??
its exactly wheat i give to others, why can't i get the same??
why?
why?
why?
a thousand "why" .. with a thousand answers..
but which answer is going to match my life ..
match what i really need.
...
god knows!!!

i was reading this book, and i stopped on this poem...
it says in the end:
"Lets fly together,
in two parallel lines..
they never unite..
but they never get seperated too
its love"... Ghada Alsamman
........
two parellel lines .. flying together ..
they are so close to each other..
but they are still TWO lines .. not ONE ..
the man shouldn't expect from the woman to be exactly like him ..
a duplicate copy of what he hates and what he likes ..
she will always have her own personality ..
her own independent identity ..
and she expects him to be himself too ..
but with love ...
they will fly together .. through days and nights ..
living life together ..
loving each other ..
respect .. understand each other ..
and appreciate the fact that even they are different...
they will always be together ..
....
ahhh .. love .. where are you?

a universal truth, we all have free times..
empty moments, silent thoughts..
some of us do a hobby in these times,
some of us sleeps, or do different kinds of things,
..
a lover, should fill these gaps in the time of the person he/she loves,
because if we don't...
they are gonna be filled with something else ..
or someone else..
..
not as simple as it sounds, but
its a universal truth.
..
keep me close

..... how can i best describe it ???
i feel i have two brains ..
one to think of you at all times ..
and the second to deal with my daily life ...
i talk to your imaginary spirit that flies with me everywhere...
i talk to you when i see the stars ...
tell the moon how much i love you ..
i miss you even when i am with you ..
last night i woke up thursty ..
and while i was getting water .. i was whispering ..
"i miss you" .... have you heard it while you were dreaming ??
i am with you in my days .. and my nights ..
the thought of your smile .. makes me smile ...
the sound of your sweet laughter makes me touch the sky ..
... how can i best describe it ...
when you are with someone 24 hours a day .. 7 days a week .. and 365.25 days a year !!
is it love ??
....... i knew it .. when i first told you ... "I LOVE YOU"

Small Love, Big Love..

Usually, and after watching the same movie for more than 5 times, i start to read whats between the lines, notice things i didn't notice before, and, learn lessons that they might be hidden within the story.

I have watched "Princess Dairies" many times so far, i don't mind if they say its girlish movie, to me, i have learned to appreciate beauty and good work even in a cartoon, so here is a thought i wanted to share with you, who knows, it might "click" on something similar that happened, or happening in real life.

Have you seen that movie? well, for those who didn't see it, let me just try to be very quick in explaining the incident that i will talk about. The prince of "Genovia" was studying in US, met this lovely girl who is an "Artist" and they got married and had a daughter which is "Amelia" or "Mia" .. the point i want to talk about is the moment "Mia" and her mother were discussing the new fact that "Mia" discovered she is a royal, and were blaming her mom for not telling her before.. then the key sentence in this topic comes .. the mother confessed to Mia that she didn't want to change her life as an "Artist" by staying with that European Prince, (even though she loved him very much). now this is what i want to talk about:

Loving art, comparing to Loving someone, is like small love compared to big love, why do we always see the same story of a person sacrificing big love for small one? small love could be "Art" or "Education" or "Freedom" or "Adventures" or anything else .. how blind someone could get when deciding to run after small love, and let a big love goes away, to realize later how wrong this was, and sometimes, after its too late to correct it.

I have heard the same story many many times, in movies and in real life, one girl who left her boy friend who was so loving and who cared so much about her, to run after another man who she thought he is more "Wild" and "Adventurous", now after the crush about this "small love" disappears, and she realizes she is stuck with someone who she doesn't love, and he doesn't care as much as she wants, she bites the fingers of regret for doing all that .. for letting a big love goes away, because she followed a small love, but usually when we discovered how bad we screwed up, it will be too late.

Too bad we can't go back in time.

How ODD is it for a perfect man to exist?
How ODD is it for a perfect woman to exist?
How ODD is it for those two to exist in the same generation?
How ODD is it for them to exist in the same country?
How ODD is it for them to meet each other?
How ODD is it for them to fall in love, marry, and live happily ever after?
....
....
I believe in love, but sometimes i think love exists only in fairy tales.
....What do you think?